Why we fall in love with someone we cannot have? Do you feel familiar with the title? Or have you ever experienced things like that? If you feel the same way just like me, we can laugh together. But the question is, why is this happening? Isn't that mean you and him are not meant to be together?
In my personal opinion, fall in love with someone I cannot have gives me an excitement where I should push myself harder just to get his attention. I know it is not healthy but my brain is keep going without any reasons. But it was in the past. Now, thinking about it is really wasting my time.
Why do we fall in love with someone we can't have? Because of the lack of excitement that a “done deal” offers, you may find even the most attractive person boring when compared to a person you just can’t have. Part of this could be your romantic style, which leans more toward an obsession with unrequited love, or it could be a simpler matter of "FOMO" — the fear of missing out.
"Few things make us as acutely unhappy as unrequited love," says clinical psychologist Dr. Paul Greene.
Previous research conducted on dating, relationships, and rejection suggests being rejected can lead to increased yearning and the feeling of being hooked, sort of like the thrill of the chase.
Romantic rejection can lead to increased yearning because it stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. New research also suggests the reasoning individuals fall for the unavailable may actually be scientific, some people cant help it. Some people are drawn to the unknown, the unpredictability of dating, or being in a relationship with someone who appears to be different from them.
Another theory is that of anxiety and distress as we begin to question why he or she does not want to be with us, what is it that we are lacking?
Why we fall in love with someone we cannot have?
Here's I summarize according to some articles that I have read and my point of view about this topic:
We use our feeling rather than our logic
When we fall in love with someone, we tend to use our feeling rather than our logic. We think our feeling is valid because we like him just the way he is. The truth is, we shouldn't use our feeling when we fall in love with someone, especially if we barely know him that well. I always keep this in my mind, just because I fall in love with him, doesn't mean I have to accept just the way he is. I have to think further. Does he actually really match with my personality? Does he bring me joy for my future? Does he really match with my type and standard that I created?
We feel that spark
We cannot deny that spark took the very first place in building a chemistry and relationship. Especially, if he gives you the best impression in the very first meeting. But honestly speaking, sometimes spark doesn't always turn into something long-term. Spark could be lost and you would know it when it happened to you.
We want to prove to ourselves and others we deserve to have them
Sometimes because our ego is bigger, we tend to do other thing just to get that person. We forget the reason why we want him because we want to prove to ourselves and others that we deserve to have him. Proving it to ourselves and others and make it happened would satisfy our wants but that is not healthy.
We think he completes us
As cheesy as this may sound, we fall in love with the person that completes us. When their personality brings out the best in us and vice versa, that bond is something we just can’t ignore. People naturally want to be with partners who make them a better person.
We struggle with low self-esteem
"If I could get what I want, I would feel satisfy and proud of myself." This thing same goes to a person. If I could have him to be mine, I would feel blessed and proud of myself because he completes me. The truth is, we have many insecurities inside and we think if we have him, we would be happy but we are actually not. The feeling of insecurity will always be there. The only way to add value to yourself is by investing time and energy in yourself.
We want to fulfill a fantasy
"I can already imagine getting married and having children with him. We will get married on a cruise ship, people will welcome us happily, surely everything will be beautiful." But in reality, everything doesn't go as smooth as we thought and we have to accept it.
If you’ve studied the psychology of media, you’ll have come across many people who tell you that watching TV is mostly about time kill, that it doesn’t have many redeeming characteristics; that being a fan of a show is at best a harmless indulgence and at worst rather embarrassing.
Why do we watch such stories? Why take an interest in someone else’s romance, when we know it’s not a real romance at all? Because what we appear to be doing is not what we’re doing at all.What we’re really doing when we follow a story like this is 1) simulating these experiences for ourselves, thus adding to our own experiences and 2) taking a step outside the experiences and asking ourselves what we can learn or come to understand better through considering them.
If you already invested your time, your money, your effort, and everything to someone else but he doesn't invest the same way, he simply doesn't like you and that is completely OK
It is not because you are not worthy or you have many flaws, but it is because you and him are not meant to be and that is okay. So, when you want someone whom you simply cannot have, the best thing to do is relax, step back, and really think about why you want to be with this person that is not interested in you.
Sometimes, the reason you fall in love with the person you cannot have has nothing to do with you. At the same time, this might not be for you either. It could be you guys just don’t connect to each other at all.
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