HI 2022!

Hello 2022!

Let me say that 2021 is the worst year ever in my entire life. But it actually could be the best year which I have to be grateful for eventhough it is kind of hard to find silving linings :)

In 2021, I learned a lot about mental health and self love. I used to think that self love is similar to self reward when you have to buy something expensive or something you wish before because you just achieved something else. I mean that is completely okay. But, if I always rely on that statement, I will never truly happy.

There are too much insecurities in myself. I can get rid of some of them and the rest is I am still struggling until now. Okay, where do I start?

Writing Blog

If you've been following my blog for years, you'll know that I write a lot and delete my posts again. The only one reason is because I'm insecure with my own writing and I tend to compare it with other people writings who are more powerful than me. But starting last year, I started to be active in writing and tried to focus on myself while continuing to improve my writing and I finally managed to write until now. I don't always consistent to write every months, but at least there's something that I write here and it gives benefits. Every writing or content that I make, I always try to provide lessons and experiences so that it's not just writing stories.

There will always a way to start if you want it and no need to be perfect. If I used to stick to my perfectionism and insecurity, I don't think I would be able to write until now. I mean, it's good to be a perfectionist. But practice makes perfect. Apart from that, I also learned a lot from people who are not really great, but have high self-confidence, who used to be just for fun but ended up having a lot of followers and fans. So the key are, don't be afraid to try and be confident. No one is instantly perfect. and.. I don't believe in talent. Because everyone is sharpened so they can be cool. To be honest, I still have some grammatical errors but fvck it. I don't say that I can write anything I want but from what I write, I will learn from it. Everything is about process.

Achievements

"Have you ever thought why my life is not as beautiful as other people?" I sometimes think that way when I was alone and started to have overthinking which was not great. But I read some books. We shouldn't compare our life with other people's life. Everyone has their different start and we should actually compare ourselves with our previous selves. "Am I making some progress? Am I better than before?" so we only focus on ourselves than comparing ourselves with other people. It's alright. I don't have to be like anyone else. I only have to be the best version of myself and I have to feel proud of some small things that I achieved.

Mental Health

Since November 21st, I randomly started to be a member at a gym place near my house. I never imagine I could finally be there. My goal to exercise right there was for gaining some weights. I spent so much money for paying a personal trainer and be a member, yet buying some sport shirts, leggings, etc because I completely never workout before and If I did, I only wore some random clothes. I was disappointed before but now I am obsessed. Like, daymnn I should pay for more sessions right there and many more. But, I shouldn't depend on personal trainer. I have to be able to stand by myself. I have to learn it by myself as well.

Exercise has been shown to improve your mood and decrease feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress.

It produces changes in the parts of the brain that regulate stress and anxiety. It can also increase brain sensitivity to the hormones serotonin and norepinephrine, which relieve feelings of depression. Additionally, exercise can increase the production of endorphins, which are known to help produce positive feelings and reduce the perception of pain.

And it's proven! Ever since I exercised diligently, I always happy and have that positive vibe which I love it. I met different people and be friends with them, I felt more confident than before, I love my body, I always have that feeling that I wanted to go there, and I went to some great classes. Such as, Zumba, Zumba Step, Yoga, Pilates, Muaythai, Cardio Boxing, and many more. I never missed Zumba and Zumba Step Class. The dance was so fun and addicting.

Speaking about my previous life before I knew what gym was, I was so much more emotional, I have a lot of negative thinking in my mind, and I sometimes hate myself. So my choice to be there is the best decision ever. I don't think I will stop to workout. Besides, having a body goal is a plus.

Mental Health (2)

In 2021, I spent too much of my time in social media. I cut some negative people and I followed many accounts about Mental Health. Eventhough I already learned about gashlighting, toxic positivity, body shaming, parenting, relationship, and many more, but the truth was, we brutally have that capacity to be that kind of person anymore. The thing that I have to do were, tried to realize and understood of what I was doing. No more hurting people and tried to realize the action of what I was doing.

Healthy Lifestyle

Healthy lifestyle is consisted of dietary habit and sleep pattern. Because I workout 4-5 days in a week, I also have to eat a healthy food to make it more optimal. So I eat some healthy food everyday. Okay I sometimes still eat fries but not too much. The most important thing is, my daily protein intake is enough for me in a day. I also download an app to count the calories that I eat in a day. So I always write down what I eat and count it. It consists of fat, protein, carb, and fiber. If you are wondering the name of the app, it is called HealthifyMe.

For sleep pattern, I literally have no idea why is it so hard for me to sleep at 10 or maybe at 9(?) I usually sleep at 11, 12 or 1 if I am really not that sleepy. But now I sleep at least at 11 or more than 11 and sometimes at 1 on the weekend.

New Knowledge

Again, I want to say that I am grateful to know some knowledge about health and workout. There are many things that I just knew. For example, the name and the use of some equipments at the gym, healthy food that we should consume, how to gain a muscle mass, skinny woman doesn't mean you don't have a lot of fat, go to some classes without exercising not only makes you skinnier, but also decrease your muscle mass, some movements to exercise about full body, upper body, and lower body, and many more. You know what, frankly speaking I can search about all of these on youtube or google. But, do I have the consciousness to look for it? I don't think so. Because I just dived into this thing, I came to know and after that I searched it deeper.

Self Love

Self love for me is about taking care myself prettily. Not for someone else but it is purely for myself. And self love for me is giving some boundaries to myself and people. Yet, always want to learn something new.

Be More Independent

I always be independent but I also sometimes depend on other people. Independent for me is doing the thing that I want and I have to do in order to make myself better. For example going to the gym. I go there alone. There is a time I exercise alone without my personal trainer and it feels good. I probably feel lonely sometimes. Like I need someone that I can talk or I need someone that I can exercise together. But the truth is, I couldn't find it and that is completely okay. I always remind myself the purpose of what I am doing. If I rely on someone else, I never really start to do the thing that I want but if in the middle I got someone I can exercise together, that would be great.

Live Your Life To The Fullest

Eventhough I heard a lot about this sentence, I don't actually really understand the meaning of it. But now I understood what Live Your Life To The Fullest means. To me, that sentence similar live as if you were to die tomorrow. What you do today have an impact in your future. You cannot see it today or tomorrow, but you will see it in the future about the things that you just did in the past. What I have to do is, doing the best thing every single day and never regret of what I am doing because that is the choice that I took.

Insecurity is a natural part of the human experience. One of the costs of being alive is the fact that, no matter who you are, you can expect to deal with insecurity of some kind on a daily basis. It may be something small or something huge. Regardless of what makes you feel insecure, knowing what to tell yourself when you're feeling this way can help you keep excess negativity out of your life.

I just want to remind you that there is nothing to worry about insecurity and nothing to be ashamed of for feeling insecure. People who can talk about their insecurities are cool people. No one wants to look weak. No one wants to look inferior. But knowing and accepting your flaws is better than anything.

My 2021 is not that great but if I compare to the previous year, I am so much better. My wish for 2022 is not that much. I just want to be rich! 😂 The other is that I just want to be able to keep learning new things.

Happy New Year!