Being in love with someone whom you love is the most beautiful thing happened. I 100% admit it. But in a couple of months later, I didn't feel that spark anymore. Have you ever felt like that? A friend of mine said that maybe I haven't in loved with that person yet, the others told me that maybe I actually didn't need in relationship. Ask yourself!
My current answer is, maybe because I haven't found the right one yet so I become like this. I never be so 'bucin' when I'm in love with someone. Things that I did for bucin only for some certain things which is not that extreme or too much. For example, talking through phone until 2 hours, video calling for 1 hour (trust me I'm not into video call so much), and waiting for someone's text.
I think because I'm growing to be a mature woman right now, my desire about man is on point. I want someone like this and like that. I realized that I'm too idealist on finding someone but I call it being realistic. Of course nobody is perfect. I am upgrading myself to be a better human being too.
Honestly speaking, I never think myself of being in a real relationship. I have so many things I haven't done yet and I want to achieve it first.
Yesterday my grandpa asked me, "When will I see kaka get married? Will I see you get married when I'm still alive?
That question is really hit me that hard. But I own my happiness. I don't want to rush on this matter. and trust me, I'm not ready yet.
I bet everyone has their own plans or dreams when it comes to marriage. So do I. Someone said, "it's impossible if you think that way." But I'd like to say it out loud as what Tung Desem ever said in Boy William's video YouTube channel, "dream is free. Why are you even afraid to dream?"
My perspective about marriage:
I want everything is settle. (Either it is a house, savings, mental, job, and the person)
I think it's better me and my partner save and make money from the very first place so that you have savings you can use in the future rather than marry and making a money. Of course it all depends on your choice. But I prefer like that so I will never worry about anything. Moreover, it's become harder if you have a baby. "There must be a way if you get married." They said. But I don't agree with that.
Again, we can never deny it that everything is about money.
I want both me and my partner know how to be a good parent.
I know it sounds freaking ridiculous. How could I know my partner is good at parenting if he is not marry yet? Well.. I think everything could be spoken from the conversation and action between us.
I want both me and my partner have a modern thinking.
For example, let's say I want my kids to enroll in international school. We both agree because we both think that enroll our kids to international school not only teach them to speak english better but they will meet various people from different culture and country. Their society will be different and they have no difficulty to face life. Their education and environment are more important than anything.
Another partner might think, "Just enroll them in any public school. Your kids can learn anything in anywhere."
Another example, I know to be wife means you serve many things to your spouse. You cook, you do a house chore, you take care of the kids, and do many things. I think those thinking are too odd for me.
It's not because I don't want to do things like that, but aren't we both working together in marriage?
I'd like to cook for my spouse. I'd like to do a house chore. But am I the only one here working by myself?
"You have to be able to cook so your spouse will love you more. So your spouse won't cheat on you. So your spouse won't buy lots of food outside." They said.
I mean, if someone wants to cheat, he/she will always find a way to do it no matter what.
So my point about modern thinking is, it's better to have a partner who can do many things together. Not a wife who always serve everything to him but we are doing things together. I cook, he washes dishes, or maybe he cooks and I wash dishes, and many more.
Or you know what, to make it simple, why don't we hire a maid? :)
I know it all depends in person. But again, this is my perspective about marriage. We all must have a different point of view in everything right?
I want my kids have a comfortable life.
It's not because I don't have a comfortable life as a kid so I want my kid to be like that in the future but I want something much more better for my kids someday.
I mean why would you even want a kid if you cannot afford everything to them? They were not brought up to fullfill your ego for having a baby. They deserve all the happiness in their life.
Here's what accross to my mind when it comes to parenting and relationship:
If I have a kid someday, I want to fully teach him/her. I want to put my love into it.
I would go on date every Sunday with my husband. Either it is outside or just at home.
I would listen of what my kids like and enroll them to that. For example, she likes to play piano. I will register her to piano's course. or he likes to be an idol. I will register to a place where he could learn to sing and to dance then register him once there is an audition opened. To me, that what supportive parents are.
I would treat my kids as my close friends so they won't be hesitate to talk everything to me. Otherwise, they would look for anyone else to share their story with.
I think the more we grew up, the more life and people's mind have changed.
We are no longer think that marriage is to complete our religion
We are no longer think that lots of children make us richer
We are no longer think that marriage is to complete our happiness
We are no longer think that marriage is a miracle ending just like the end of the story book
Well maybe there are still people who think that way but it's not that many
I think marriage is more complex than that. You have to deal with every single thing that happened and if you're not mature enough, it will lead to arguments to your relationship. You have to compromise and listen to each other. Understand that things are never going to be perfect. Your partner, no matter how much he or she tries – is going to make mistakes. You too are going to get things wrong from time to time, whether you like it or not.
Speaking of marriage, there is one korean show that crossed my mind right now. Have you ever watched Return of Superman in YouTube channel? or you happened to watch that program at KBS channel on your television?
I adore that program so much. That program indirectly teaches me to be a better parents. The parents in that program are really put their love into their kids and they think that they want a happy life to their kids. Not just born and raise them.
All parents have their own style in parenting their children. and I love the way they educate and teach their children.
I love all the family right there but my favorite goes to Naen's Family. She is really smart. She could speak 4 languages at the age of four. She could speak korean, german, spanish, and english language. Of couse it because her mom came from Swiss and she even could speak 6 languages. Her dad also could speak 3 languages (korean, english, and japan).
But however, Naeun won't be able to speak different languages if her parents don't teach her to speak that way.
Her mom only speaks german to her and her dad only speaks korean to her. Her grandma of the mom speaks spanish to her. Imagine if their parents only speak one language eventhough they know many languages. Do you think Naeun will be able to speak different languages?
It means their parents know how important the impacts to their kids.
"But what if you still not married yet before 30? No men want to marry an old woman you know." That is the typical question that I get alot from people. Mostly my family.
To my mind, I think that marriage is where you are happy with yourself first. You have to be happy and accept yourself at first. Besides, the more you're qualified, the more qualified men come around you.
I have many lacks. That's why I always try to be better each day.
Why are you being unreserved? Well this might be a diary that I will read in the future.
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