HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER

Have you ever shared your feeling to someone and all of sudden she said, "Oh yeah I've ever got something worse than that. Listen.. Don't you remember when I got rejected  from that guy? Have I ever told you this thing? Hhmm I was kinda upset, bla bla bla" or like this, "Keep scrolling her phone and didn't give any responses at all." or maybe the worst was like this, "It's okay. You just need to be patient. That is how life going." Then what is the point of me telling you my story, son of a bitch? Oh I am so sorry to write a bad word but whatever screw that.

I bet some of you ever got some responses above. But have you ever thought that maybe the mistake doesn't come from the communican but it is come from  the situation? Maybe at that time she was doing something but you just kept talking. Maybe at that time she wasn't in a good mood as well but you wanted to be listened, or maybe you were just too selfish that made people wanted to listen to your story all the time. And maybe you didn't realize that you told your story to the same person more than one time.

There was also a time when the communican having a hard time to respond because they weren't get used to do that. Most of the time, I have met several people and analyze the way they responded to someone's story. They bumped them into another question again and again. It's not because they didn't actually care with someone's story, but probably their mind was thinking what was the next question should they asked to make the conversation kept going. But dude, let me enlighten you something, let the conversation going. Be natural. Listen to what they are saying instead of thinking about your response.

As a communication student, I would strongly say that communication is the most important part in human life. Either it is in relationship, in friendship, in family, or even in ourselves. If we cannot connect our message there will be misunderstanding happened. So what is communication? According to business dictionary, communication is two-way process of reaching mutual understanding, in which participants not only exchange (encode-decode) information, news, ideas and feelings but also create and share meaning. In general, communication is a means of connecting people or places. In business, it is a key function of management--an organization cannot operate without communication between levels, departments and employees. But I will stick in  Laswell' communication theory because it's way simple and easily remember. 
Who (the communicator or sender or source of message Control Analysis)
Says What (the content of the message Content Analysis)
In Which Channel (the medium or media Media Analysis)
To Whom (the receiver of the message or an audience Audience Analysis)
With What Effect (the feedback of the receiver to the sender Effect Analysis).

Talking about communication, in this post, I will be explaining more in communican's side where how we supposed to respond to someone's story, how to be a good listener, and how to build your personal development in responding someone's story. You like to tell your story to your close friends, right? Then you need to be a good listener as well.

Before I am starting to explain more about how to be a good listener, let me break this down for you. If you're chosen to be someone who listened to someone's story, it means you are special. It means you're chosen because you have something that noone can understand. It means you are a good listener.

“When you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed,to the whole of it, not part of it.”Jiddu Krishnamurti

Keep the eye-contact

When someone shares her story to you, looking at her eyes means you pay your whole attention to that person. If you are being interrupted by something out of your discussion, what you need to do is asking a permission from that person, "I'm sorry my boss wants me to look after the presentation. May I do that while listening to your story?." This has a meaning that your conversation with her is a kind of valuable thing and you need to get her permission to listen to her story while doing something.

Put yourself in their shoes

One thing you should know, you need to be neutral in listening her story. You don't know how much your friend suffers from those things. Sometimes you even need to be in her side to support her more. 

Let her finish her talk

Before you interject your response or make your case, be sure the other person is finished speaking. Allow for a pause in the conversation long enough to ensure it's your turn to talk. Be empathy.

Empathize, sympathize, and show interest

You can show your interest and connection in a conversation through your own expressions, body language, and words. Nod in agreement to show you are engaged and listening. Lean forward toward the other person. Smile or show concern appropriately. Offer words of affirmation and kindness. Give a hand squeeze or a warm touch on the shoulder to show empathy.

Be expressive

No no. It's not something you need to show several emotions like crying, laughing, and worrying. But what I am trying to say is everytime she stopped her story to get a response from you, what you need to do is, "Oh really? OMG. Holy crap. Are you fuckin sure? You've gotta be kidding. Don't let her get under your skin. Etc etc.

Voice your opinion

There is a time when your friend needs your opinion about her problem eventhough we all knew that she/he won't listen to you in the end but still, voice your opinion is something matter. You can straight to the point by giving your opinion to your friend or you can share what you have done in the same situation or a similar one and what worked well for you. That gives a lot more weight to your input than just random advice or opinions about what you think could work. Besides, this could makes us to learn different points of views to broaden our own perspective.

The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus once said that there is a reason why we have been given two ears and one mouth – so that we can listen more than we speak. We’re on this planet to become a better and fuller expression of ourselves, and the only way we can do that is by being receptive to all the knowledge and wisdom offered by the people around us.